Is this all just boredom? You have freed yourself from all desires. That’s a good thing right? Except if there is no pleasure you seek, then the best you can hope for is a 0 state of neither pleasure nor pain. Which is no better or worse than nonexistence. Anything else would just be more pain than pleasure, and worse than nonexistence.
I mean for a while this was all sublated by ambition. This was all necessary sacrifice for a worthy goal. Out of ambition I acted very much like a teenage Ayn Rand sycophant would, calculating advantage, and making a point of never sacrificing self-interest when I was in direct competition. Of course this was all done out of the noblest motives, in the belief that I was best qualified to use power in a utilitarian way. In this way anything that stood in the way of my interest, stood in the way of the salvation of humanity.
We all champion the heroism of men like Cortez when they burn their ships so there is no place to retreat to, and only victory can save them. But if you are defeated the burning of bridges comes to be the greatest of blunders. Had I been successful the same facts could be rewritten under different paradigms. My childhood and teen years, would be the story of a determined hero with his eyes fixed on the prize. With complete faith in his star.
SO now I’m stuck with a profound sense of ennui. I just don’t care. The world goes on its stupid way destroying itself. And I’ve just lost touch with humanity. I don’t believe in individualism, so I don’t think there is anything I can do to make things better. So it goes beyond the evils of the world. IT is the mediocrity of the world. The shallow caprice.
Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.
Is that true? I mean on the one hand it is philosophy that has led me to such misery. But on the other hand, intelligence as the ability to be a rational calculator, need not lead anyone to misery. It is only when one feels, that life becomes misery.
I don’t think that it is being over-educated that has ruined me. In my adolescence I had a narrow but deep education of very specific military subjects. But that broadened into wider political thought. By the time I self-taught myself a broad philosophical education in college, it was too late to make any real difference in my interactions with the world. A general philosophical education at a young age would have helped me put the world in perspective. And be more stoic and determinist about the evils of the world. To see myself more as an actor rather than writer of history.
Well what about Rodney Stark’s rational choice theory of religion? That even the craziest New Agey religions that people believe are actually logical calculations about the benefits such religion conveys. In that sense Destiny was my religion. I derived far more pleasure from it then I would have from Gossip Girl. It is true that the promise lay in the future, but I borrowed on that future promissory note. Schopenhauer says that all the pleasure we gain from expectation is deducted when the actual pleasure arrives. But since the Future never came, it turned out I was living off pleasure that didn’t exist. Does that mean that the happiness I experiance in youth was not actual happiness?
So is it about evil or ennui? Well there is nothing less boring than the noble crusade against evil. So if there are so many dragons to slay, why is the world so horrible? PErhaps there is no hope for total victory. But you are not so base, that you can’t score individual triumphs?
Well what if you worked a “normal” 9-5 job, but from Hegel’s philosophy of right, you were able to see even burger-flipping as a noble realization of human history and rationality. And then after work you had your Indiana Jones adventures with all the pluralist sects that populate diversity USA. Ok lets not romanticize it. I mean these would just be discussion groups in people’s houses. But you know full well that your not capable of swinging from vines, and escaping death-traps. I mean you have the ability to work out to the point where you may look good, and have a brute kind of strength, but you will never have the fineness of useful strength or athleticism. In that sense you are better suited to be an Indiana Jones of American diversity.
Unless of course adventure was never really what you wanted? You just wanted stability and a hierarchy to climb? Pretty much any workplace offers that. I mean you like both flat and vertical hierarchies. A flat hierarchy is democratic, while a vertical one is a ladder to climb. Does adventure have to be geographical? I mean if you want to meet Satanists, vampires, cults, mystics, wizards, ghost hunters, paranormal, through the internet you can meet them right here in USA.
So is that so different from your “grand ambition”? You find a hierarchy that you try to climb, and you also have adventures.
As for utopia, that will be one of your scenes. Isn’t the struggle for utopia, utopia itself? And while it maybe difficult to join a hippie commune right now, if that becomes a longterm goal, then you probably can do it eventually. And so you can live out your days after a lifetime of adventure, in the society you would have won had it all worked out.
How much did you ever believe in utopia? Earlier it served as a distant goal, to justify your life of adventure. And after the fall it served as a ritualistic duty without any hope of victory.
Well is that a life you could live? Work during the day, Indiana Jones at night? I mean yeah its not as exciting as temples of doom, but you tried that road and know its not for you. You may not be able to duel a Voodoo priest, but you can learn from him the intellectual consciousness behind his thought.
Utopia means stability and harmony. Yes it is true the job market is chaotic now. But if you ever did get a public sector job, you would enjoy the relative stability of utopia. You always turned down the prospect of being a public teacher. So its not stability your after. Utopia is your Kantian Kingdom of Ends. It is the divine goal, that is supposed to motivate all your actions. Its nothing you should lament, that you don’t live in it.
And what of Tucker Max? Well if this is all an elaborate mask for your Nietzsche herd resentment , then this is purely an instrumental problem. You need to learn the skills to achieve the particular goal of being Tucker Max. And if its white-knighting genuinely, then be content that women lead more fulfilling lives now than they ever have in history. A women is far better off in the Roissyverse than she was in your beloved Athens. IF women issues are the primary bane of your existence, then Athens horrific treatment of them should far outweigh their beautiful democracy. Rome itself was founded in a Tucker Max manner, they invited over the neighboring town, and then raped all the Sabine women. Don’t get me started on Genghis Khan.
So if thats what your really concerned with, than you’d have to admit that all your beloved civic republic were even worse.
And you were so afraid of being a beta male, who bought pretty flowers, long before you had heard of the term beta or PUA. So if girls really have it so horrible, then why don’t you become a beta, and try to make it a little better for them? Is it so horrible to be taken advantage of, by a girl, if you know she faces a pack of wolves at every corner who wish to hurt, humiliate, degrade, debase her out of sheer sadism? Isn’t being a beta nice-guy the LEAST you can do?
Even from a hedonist point of view, if sexual success is what you wanted and you always claimed it wasn’t, but if it was, then you would have done a lot better playing the nice guy beta, than you did playing the omega jerk. I mean your justification is that beautiful girls, get treated too nice by the world, just because of their looks, and your being egalitarian by being rude to them. But if they really do live in a tragic world besieged by Roissys and Tucker Maxes, then their beauty is a curse that gives alphas a right to hurt them. In which case you must come to the opposite conclusion, that you should be especially nice to them.
I mean can’t you just say outright “yes, I know that you are biologically programmed by your cavegirl greatgranny who got hit with a club and made a rapeslave, to submit to the alpha with the biggest club, but I don’t care about that. I’m who I’m, and I’m not going to change my moral values for you. Either accept me as a nice guy or get out. I’m not going to be a man I hate, just to please you. Your not worth that price to me, I don’t value you that highly.I insist on being a white knight torpedoes be damned!”
If any of those so-called recovering AFCs had every been “nice guys” and not Tucker Maxes in slow-motion thats what they would have said.
How can you be so certain that nice guys finish last? Just because everyone says so. The nice guys who COMPLAIN are NOT nice-guys they just pursue a conservative strategy.
They are a testament to the glory of Mises’ sexual free-market, because men much more immoral than you are forced to behave far kinder than you. I mean you consider yourself a nice guy deep down inside. But you have consciously made sure that you NEVER do anything nice for a girl, and you never have because you don’t face the pressure of the sexual free market. The sexual market forces those so-called white knights to behave more morally than they actually are. And that is what all their complaining and resentment is about.
I have seen no empirical evidence from middle, high school or college, that nice guys finish last. I’ve heard a lot of complaints online, and it is what pop culture pushes but I haven’t seen it with my own eyes. It may or may not have existed in frat college. But that was NOT what you were looking for. You condemned hedonism not Roissyism. Yes the jerks were doing well, but afaik the nice guys were as well. Anyway there are very few men in the world who would meet my standard for nice guy white knight. So maybe the problem is not that girls go for jerks, but that there are only jerks. Take your pick aggressive or conservative jerks. Conservative jerks AKA beta nice guys, would LIKE to live the Tucker Max life, long before Roissy “open their eyes”, the sexual free-market disciplines them.
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